If you are familiar at all with recovery language or if even if you’ve taken an undergraduate psychology course, you have probably heard the term codependency, but may not know exactly what it is or how it plays a part in relationships between addicts and their mates.
A brief definition of codependency is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.
Many codependent individuals have found that their childhood felt empty and that these feelings of emptiness continue into their adult relationships. A need to control or to resolve issues often stems from feelings of worthlessness and of being unloved or cared for and it’s important to understand whether your codependent feelings are a result of a troubled childhood.
There are many symptoms of codependency such as:
- A compulsive need to control or to care for others
- Compulsive behaviors including possessiveness, hiding lying or sex
- A need for perfectionism
- Love avoidant behavior
- A compulsion to achieve
- Ongoing insecurities in relationships
- Feeling a need to be independent
- Feelings of constraint within the relationship
- An inability to say what you really mean without hurting your partner
Many people struggle with codependency and many others are unaware of how it affects their relationships. If you are in a relationship with an addict, it is likely that you are struggling with codependency. One key to understanding codependency and its effects on a relationship is knowledge. Reading books, attending counseling or being part of a group are excellent ways to assess your own actions and become aware of whatever codependent symptoms you may have in your life. Pia Mellody, a well-known expert in the field of codependency and addiction research, wrote the book Facing Codependence. It is a great resource to start with if you are the spouse of an addict.
