This phrase is perhaps one of the most difficult phrases to utter for a person who has struggled with addiction, and it doesn’t matter if they have struggled for 1 month or 20 years. There are so many mechanisms in place within a person which help them hide from the truth and reality of their behavior such as denial, blame, self-deception, self-delusion, distortion, minimization, rationalization and many more. These mechanisms often fly under the radar and are unconscious behaviors that act not only to hide the addiction from others, but from themselves as well.
“Addiction is an illness of escape” (Carnes, 2015). Addiction happens because the idea of living in reality is absolutely intolerable to the addict. Reality has often been cruel, neglectful, and full of betrayal, loneliness and sadness. Addiction cripples the addict in such a way that they have difficulty understanding what is real versus what is not. Addicts are often loners as well which means that they don’t often share their experiences or difficulties and they have very little input from others in their lives.
Addicts are very adept at creating cognitive distortions in their thinking. Cognitive distortions are a list of different ways of thinking that are all faulty, however they often make sense to addicts and non-addicts alike. Some common cognitive distortions are: All-or-nothing thinking, Polarized (black-and-white) thinking, Blaming, Jumping to Conclusions, Catastrophizing, Should Statements, Global Labeling, Always Being Right, and many more. Addicts need people in their lives, therapists in particular, to help them make sense of their thinking and help them recognize and build an awareness of when they are using cognitive distortions versus when their thinking is based in reality. (Hint: Most addicts use only cognitive distortions when they are first starting down the road to recovery).
For addicts, it often takes consequences, intervention and/or the influence from a close friend or family member for them to be able to recognize that there is a problem. Many addicts need help saying, “I’m an addict”, and it is the first and most courageous step that they can take towards recovery. Recognizing their addiction is the first step in breaking denial and helping them on the path to wholeness.
Carnes, P. (2015). Facing the Shadow: Starting sexual and relationship recovery. Gentle Path Press; Carefree, AZ.
